On The Prowl – The Oscars

Oh, you didn’t see us on the red carpet? Well, it’s a good thing we took pictures, then!

TNL_oscars

Okay… So… for whatever reason we did not receive our Oscar tickets ( that happened with the Grammy’s too..whats going on?!) so we had to attend from home. We joined the lovely fashionista Miss Charmsie and got ready for the Oscars. Check out the hashtag #OscarMadeMeDoIt on Twitter and Instagram to see who else joined her party. Since we had already planned to do our commentary, dressing up only seemed fitting (pun intended ha!). We hope you enjoy as much as you did reading our Grammys commentary.

Since we weren’t there (sigh), we can not take credit for any of the pictures.

Seth MacFarlane intro

Chris: Let’s get this started! I like Seth’s humour, because he says whatever others don’t want to. So he went there with Chris and Rihanna and mel gibson’s voicemail? LOLOLOL….. OH! Captain kirk I agree – Tina and Amy should host EVERYTHING! They were amazing at the Golden Globes. And this ripping Seth apart is killing me. The “we saw your boobs” bit was funny but meh. Long, no? …..Is Channing dancing with Charlize Theron? – HOW CUTE
Okay wait… The sock re-enactment of Flight? I die.
Then Daniel Radcliffe sings with seth and the kid from 3rd rock from the sun. Touching.

Ok what’s going on here… I guess thanks to Les Miserables everyone can sing now?

Oh no Seth harasses Sally Field…… OH HEY okay they’re making out. Not awkward.

Aaaaaand more singing.

Oh good they’re presenting now. Oh hey Octavia you look great.

Ash: Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue is funny. I like that he pushed the envelope a bit without being to irreverent.

Ok scratch that…I wrote that before he broke out in the “We Saw Your Boobs” song. Charlize Theron is not amused. Rightfully, so. This isn’t quite Oscar appropriate.

Oh wait, Charlize is in on it. I’m confused.

Now, puppets.

This is dragging on, and we are only 18 minutes deep. If this is setting the tone for the Oscars…I’m not amused. I’ll be clicking in and out.

I like the idea of Octavia Spencer’s dress, just not the colour. Im getting a wedding dress vibe.

Octavia Spencer

Best Supporting Actor

Chris: I haven’t seen any of these movies! Eep… oh yay! I saw Lincoln! And Tommy Lee was pretty good in it so fingers crossed. And…. Django gets it. Congrats Christoph Waltz.

Time to refill my wine.

Ash: Yeah, I haven’t seen any of these movies. Is it done yet?

Samuel L Jackson appears to be wearing his housecoat. He needs a pipe.

Why does Jack Nicholson have his sunglasses on? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56HSPQHSqEE

Best Animated Short Film

Chris: Oh Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy present. This should be fun. I love them. She looks amazing in that dress. And they’re killing me. I died so many times during This is 40. Best animated short film. So I know none of these… Time for another bite of key lime pie.

Oh best animated featured film, too? *another bite*

Did I mention Seth is killing me??

Ash:I really love Melissa McCarthy’s dress but really hate her giant hair. That would have been so pretty with her hair pulled back.

Why do all of the men have beards tonight? Did they discuss this ahead of time?

Cinematography.

Chris: I like this category. I hope Life of Pi gets it…… YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!! Woah dude. The hair.

I don’t know what category this is. Samuel and Robert are arguing too much. But congrats to Life of Pi!  BAAAHAHAAA the Jaws wrap it up music is getting louder as he speaks. I agree Nicole Kidman… Poor thing.

2 hours and 20 mins to go. Lord help me.

Ash: I haven’t seen any of these movies. Shocker, I know.

Costume Design

Chris: Hellerrr Channing. Again with a category that I don’t…. OOO costume! Come onnnnn Lincoln. Oh. Okay. And now makeup.. I should get water I think I had too much wine.

*channel surf*

What’s that Halle is on? I saw my first (and probably last) Bond movie recently (Skyfall)… all for Daniel Craig I must admit. Did Halle just say…. Pussy galore?  Guess I won’t get it. Like ever. Unless I watch Bond movies? Okay…

More singing. Who is this fierceness in gold? Oh Shirley Bassey. Go girl. Now I want a  gold sequin dress. Great.

oscars2013.shirley bassey

Ash: Reese Witherspoon looks flawless as always, but  there is a whole heap of Elnett in that hair. It’s not moving.

Quvenzhane Wallis reminds me oddly of Rihanna.

It took me a while to recognize Mark Ruffalo. He’s aged. My Mom said, “What happened to him since The Karate Kid?” I don’t think he was in Karate Kid but anyhoo…moving on…

I’m ready for them to bust out a tune or something. I will resurface for a musical number.

The music of Bond, that will do. Halle Berry’s dress is kind of Matrix-ish. But, of course she makes it work. Come on Adele….please save this for me. GOOOLD FINGA! Wait ,where is Adele? Doesnt she sing a Bond song?

Best Short Film

Chris: Kerry looks like firrrrrrrre. Go Liv! Sorry, Scandal moment. Now we’re onto short film aka more movies Chris hasn’t seen, ooo documentaries. Man, I really am behind.

I lost track of the category… oh boy.

Oh Seth. Your jokes are too raw for the Oscar crowd.

When did Ben Affleck get so cool? Facial hair and all?

Ash:

Kerry Washington’s hair looks so much nicer like this than it did in the harsh bangs she has been wearing lately. Beautiful, but I don’t care much for the dress. Actually, I have yet to see one I love just yet.

Kerry Washington

Best documentary feature

Chris: Now this is a cool category. What’s next though?

Ash: I wonder what I’ll have for lunch tomorrow…

Best Foreign Language Film

Chris: I. Love. Jennifer Garner’s dress. And I also love how Canada is in the best foreign language film category. Hey guys! Look north.

oscars2013.jennifergarner

Ash: Maybe soup.

Catherine Zeta Jones performance

Chris: Danny Zucco!!! I feel a performance coming on. Oh. I see where we’re going here. *sings* And all that jazz (see what I did there?). Too bad she’s lipsyncing.  YAY JENNIFERRRR! But… what version is? The screamy remake? Got it.  Praise the heavens she put some meat back on.

Ash: I’m confused again. Didn’t Chicago with Catherine Zeta Jones come out years ago?  Ditto for Dreamgirls. Great performances but  few years too late.
Les Miserables Performance

Chris: Ok Hugh. I see you. Oh. It’s all of you. Okay. Wow a lot of you. They’re all singing and stuff. Wonderful.

OMG ASH! It’s 10. an hour and a half to gooooooo.

Ash:Interesting to see all these Hollywood actors sing for the Les Mis performance. I didn’t see the movie but they sound pretty good to me.

Les Miserables Performance
Zoe is on stage presenting… something

Chris: I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. But Zoe looks as bored as I feel. Oh this is why. She’s presenting a boring award.

Thank goodness I didn’t watch Ted, and I love Mark Wahlberg. But that is pretty crappy stuff.

Ash: Oh look, it’s the obnoxious teddy bear I hate. This is getting better and better.

Could someone pass Zoe Saldana a sandwich or something. In fact, maybe she should split it with Kerry Washington. Sidebar-I really must start watching Scandal.

Best Sound

Chris: I don’t know what category this is. I’m having a hard time keeping up. Oh sound. Got it.

Wait…. HOLD THE PHONE…. There are ties at the Oscars? Dahell.

Ash: Are ties allowed?

Best Supporting Actress

Chris: YAY Christopher Plummer! So funny this old man. OMG I hope Sally Field wins. But of course Anne gets it. She bothers me. I guess I should watch Les Mis now. But Anne’s in it. So is Hugh… hmmm.

I don’t even know what’s… where… what time is it?

Ash:-There seems to be a lot of dresses in pale hues like Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence. How about some color! Some brights! I know pastels are really in this season but I think they make these actresses look washed out and boring.
Best Film Editing

Chris: Oh Sandra is on. Go Argo for best film editing. Aww Ben wants to cry. Moving right along…

Sandra Bullock

Ash: That hair barette thing is not doing good things for Sandra Bullock’s ear.

Adele Performance

Chris: FINALLY ADELE IS ON. Back in black and looking phenomenal and sparkly. And her make up is flawless. And her hair. Sigh. I just wanna hug her and never let go. She is so great and I adore her.

Ash: Finally Adele. Her hair looks so lovely like this. I need that lipstick and nail polish. Oh how I adore her whole look. Shonda Rhimes just tweeted, ” Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age. Take that in.” Whoa. Mind blown.

Adele

Production Design

Chris: What happened to Kristin’s ankle…. And hair? And personality? Oooo production design. Yay Lincoln!

Ash: Did Liberty Ross jump K-Stew pre-show. Probably not , but that would be interesting , wouldn’t it?

 Salma Hayak presents… something

Chris: Seriously what’s going on with everyone’s hair tonight?? Salma? You’re beautiful but really?

Fading….. NOOOO don’t go to commercial…. Sigh.

Ash: Salma Hayek’s dress is ok, but that hair is a problem.

 Barbra Streisand Performance

Chris: Another performance… ah Barbra. I guess I can do some dishes now.

Ash: When did Barbara Streisand get Beyonce hair? To the left, to the left…

Barbara Streisand

 Best Original Score

Chris: Oh, So. Glad. To see Renee combed her hair for her appearance with her Chicago co-stars. Well… Come to think of it, beside the Queen and Catherine she still needs some work. No. A LOT of work.

Oscars 2013-chicago

YAY LIFE OF PI!!

Ash: Renee Zellwegger perpetually looks as though she is sucking on a lemon, no?

Norah Jones Performance

Chris: What a delight in yellow. I LOVE. The. Dress. But I’m so tired and fidgety.

Ash: I like the top half of Norah Jones dress. But, pastel again? These women look like Cadbury mini eggs.

Best Song

Chris: Hmmmm. Adele won with Skyfall. Is anyone.. like… Surprised? Why do they go through the hassle of nominating her? Just mail the awards to her residence. But I must say she gives the best speeches lol.

This is never going to end. Ever.

Ash: I’m thinking I may tap out soon. This year is slow-moving to say the least.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Chris: Oh Charlize you gorgeous lady. Hahah Dustin is boob height. Argo wins again.

Ash: Can we just have a moment for how stunning Charlize Theron is. She takes an ok, simple dress, natural makeup and pixie short hair and makes it look like glamorous perfection.

Charlize Theron and Dustin Hoffman

Best Original Screenplay

Chris: What is this Amour about? Must watch. Woot Django won. Tarantino looking dishevelled as always lol.

Ash: Salad. I think I’ll take salad tomorrow.

Best Director

Chris: Jane looks breath-taking. This is a tough one, who will win?? YAY ANG LEE LIFE OF PI!!! But he is thanking e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. Did he just thank his lawyer?? oh he’s done.

oscars2013.janefonda

Ash: Are we there yet?

Best Actress

Chris: FINALLY. Omg. Congrats Jennifer Lawrence. DARN I missed her fall. But it’s really about Naomi Watts’ dress HELLERRRRR hawt. And how cute is Quvenzhané Wallis all nominated at 9 and stuff… go ‘head girl. I guess I should watch that movie.

Jennifer Lawrence     oscars2013.naomiwatts

Ash: Oh no! Jennifer Lawrence fell. She won an Oscar so whats a little trip. Also, it woke me up…so thanks for that J-Law! She looks nice in her dress, but again I would much prefer it with some color.

Best Actor

Chris: Come onnnnn Daniel for Lincoln. Oooo that Flight looks good….. YAAAAAY Daniel wonnnnn!

Ash:This really makes me miss the Grammy Awards

Best Picture

Chris: I love Jack Nicholson in his infinite quirkiness. WOW Michelle Obama too?! Looking divine as usual. I didn’t see Argo so I can’t get too excited, but it did get good reviews. SO congrats to Ben and the rest of them.

Ok. Way. Past. Bedtime.

Ash: Michelle Obama looks great. Which reminds me …Have you seen this?

Best picture to Argo. YAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!! Not because Argo won, because it’s over. I’m sure Argo is an excellent movie, but why did that feel like the longest, slowest awards show ever. Its past my bedtime.

Usually I’m happy with a bit of pre-show and the next week’s Us magazine to see the dresses. But, I made it through the whole show this year. My wrap up synopsis of my reaction to host and dresses is a resounding, ” meh.”

Night night!

oscar

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18 thoughts on “On The Prowl – The Oscars

  1. I love your award show reviews! I was looking forward to reading your takes on last night. I agree with so much! 🙂

  2. I love that you dressed up for the occassion and that we get to see just how beautiful the lovely ladies behind the leopard truly are.

    By calling Joseph-Gordon Levitt “the kid from 3rd Rock” you can so tell your not a fangirl Chris!
    One of my Twitter friends said her 3 year-old was running around singing “We Saw Your Boobs” all evening!
    Octavia Spencer was my pick for “Best Dressed” and I also loved what Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman were wearing.
    Samuel L Jackson shout-out…TNL is doing it right.
    Mark Ruffalo in “Karate Kid”…I die of laughter and heart Ash’s mom!
    Glad JHud has taken my advice and eaten a turkey sandwich…she could do with eating the whole turkey but at least it’s something.
    The producers of “Chicago” produced the Oscars (for the first time)…question answered and yet we still ask “Why?”
    Thank you for mentioning Sandra’s weird barett jewel thing.
    Hair was a big problem at the Oscars this year…over done, under done and just plain wrong (I’m looking at you Melissa McCarthy!).
    I liked that they held the applause during “In Memorium” but Barbra singing for Marvin Hamleisch gave his death more weight than everyone else’s!
    Ben’s brief shoutout to Canada isn’t going to fix the slap in the face to Canada and world history that Argo was but feature films aren’t history so congrats to him for a good piece of fiction!
    Oh and I can’t believe you missed how handsome Chris Evans looked in his tux…I was distracted by Jeremy Renner and still noticed!

    P.S. I find it hilarious that TNL and I are exact opposites when it comes to the excitement over the Grammys vs. the Oscars! I think my comment is longer than the whole article! 😉 (Sorry…it’s the fourth best night of the year for me and I get a little carried away!)

    1. Kath! We could feel the passion in your response. I think if we’d seen more of the movies there’d be less lunch-planning and wine-drinking and more watching! The hair…. oh the hair…… thank you Adele for saving the entire night. And as usual the dresses were hit and miss. It was definitely fun to dress up though! Thanks for your feedback! -C&A

  3. So apparently my feedback is high in demand 🙂 My review of the Oscars last night…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I watched 15 minutes and I will never get them back again. Sigh. Thanks for the recap. Did you have salad for lunch Ash?

    1. I would say that is an entirely accurate review of the show. Add that to my, “meh’ and I think we have summed it up nicely. I did indeed have salad. So, something did come out of my time watching the Oscars…I made a successful lunch decision. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  4. LOL @ Elnett.
    I have to disagree about Kerry. When she is in character, she always looks fab. Red carpets and any event with media present, she picks the most unflattering gowns. I wasn’t in love with her Miu Miu, but she looked a lot better than what I expected for the Oscars The coral colour made me re-look at the colours in my closet–I loved it. She just needs higher heels. She looked so dwarfy.

  5. First of all: Michelle Obama knows how to dougie?!?!?!?!
    Okay, yup that’s a total sidenote on your sidenote Ash, but I have never seen that video before– LOVED IT! I wish we had a cool first lady north of the border!

    I agree with most of your sentiments … I too was uber-confused when Charlize got annoyed at the boob song, but then proceeded to sashay on stage with Channing Tatum–umm wha—? Also, Seth McFarlane definitely had his funny moments, but you could definitely see that his “Family Guy was showing”–and at some points it wasn’t at all that funny.

    In the future I’d like to see more interesting speeches and less fake enthusiasm on the pre-show red carpet (kristen chenoworth (sp?) is annoying!) … I guess I’ll just stick to watching the grammys instead…. 😉

    1. Michelle Obama knows how to do every dance! She is definitely way cool. It was very touch and go with Seth but kudos to the Oscars for throwing caution to the wind! He made a long long lonnnng night a little more bearable. And some of those musical bits were…. interesting though and left many “huh?” moments that’s for sure! Thanks for reading and commenting, Suze! -C&A

  6. Hi Ladies! I loved reading your review! It was a total snoozefest for sure, and the dresses didn’t dazzle me either. These people have access to the best designers, hair and makeup people, jewellers, and botox injectors money can buy – and most still looked crappy! Everyone was so plain. Only Jennifer Garner and Jennifer Aniston had lovely pops of colour – but Jennifer Aniston’s hair was so booooring! My top annoyances of the night were Sandra Bullock’s strangely-placed hair clip, Renee Zellweger’s squinty bobble-head behaviour, Ben Affleck’s coked-out speech, Halle Berry’s square and unflattering shoulders, everything to do with Kristen Stewart and last but not least Barbra Streisand’s presence – I made sure to change the channel at that point so I wouldn’t be subjected to her overwhelmingly loud, warbly voice. On the brighter side Adele can do no wrong and Jennifer Lawrence is a peach 🙂

    1. Omg Seph you’re totally speaking our language! It was a long boring night of fashion yawns and hair wtf’s! I think knowing that Adele was there and performing kept us awake (way to put her at the end of the night Oscars!) Thanks for reading! 🙂 – C&A

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