Oh, you didn’t see us on the red carpet? Well, it’s a good thing we took pictures, then!
Okay… So… for whatever reason we did not receive our Oscar tickets ( that happened with the Grammy’s too..whats going on?!) so we had to attend from home. We joined the lovely fashionista Miss Charmsie and got ready for the Oscars. Check out the hashtag #OscarMadeMeDoIt on Twitter and Instagram to see who else joined her party. Since we had already planned to do our commentary, dressing up only seemed fitting (pun intended ha!). We hope you enjoy as much as you did reading our Grammys commentary.
Since we weren’t there (sigh), we can not take credit for any of the pictures.
Seth MacFarlane intro
Chris: Let’s get this started! I like Seth’s humour, because he says whatever others don’t want to. So he went there with Chris and Rihanna and mel gibson’s voicemail? LOLOLOL….. OH! Captain kirk I agree – Tina and Amy should host EVERYTHING! They were amazing at the Golden Globes. And this ripping Seth apart is killing me. The “we saw your boobs” bit was funny but meh. Long, no? …..Is Channing dancing with Charlize Theron? – HOW CUTE
Okay wait… The sock re-enactment of Flight? I die.
Then Daniel Radcliffe sings with seth and the kid from 3rd rock from the sun. Touching.
Ok what’s going on here… I guess thanks to Les Miserables everyone can sing now?
Oh no Seth harasses Sally Field…… OH HEY okay they’re making out. Not awkward.
Aaaaaand more singing.
Oh good they’re presenting now. Oh hey Octavia you look great.
Ash: Seth MacFarlane’s opening monologue is funny. I like that he pushed the envelope a bit without being to irreverent.
Ok scratch that…I wrote that before he broke out in the “We Saw Your Boobs” song. Charlize Theron is not amused. Rightfully, so. This isn’t quite Oscar appropriate.
Oh wait, Charlize is in on it. I’m confused.
This is dragging on, and we are only 18 minutes deep. If this is setting the tone for the Oscars…I’m not amused. I’ll be clicking in and out.
I like the idea of Octavia Spencer’s dress, just not the colour. Im getting a wedding dress vibe.
Best Supporting Actor
Chris: I haven’t seen any of these movies! Eep… oh yay! I saw Lincoln! And Tommy Lee was pretty good in it so fingers crossed. And…. Django gets it. Congrats Christoph Waltz.
Time to refill my wine.
Ash: Yeah, I haven’t seen any of these movies. Is it done yet?
Samuel L Jackson appears to be wearing his housecoat. He needs a pipe.
Why does Jack Nicholson have his sunglasses on? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56HSPQHSqEE
Best Animated Short Film
Chris: Oh Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy present. This should be fun. I love them. She looks amazing in that dress. And they’re killing me. I died so many times during This is 40. Best animated short film. So I know none of these… Time for another bite of key lime pie.
Oh best animated featured film, too? *another bite*
Did I mention Seth is killing me??
Ash:I really love Melissa McCarthy’s dress but really hate her giant hair. That would have been so pretty with her hair pulled back.
Why do all of the men have beards tonight? Did they discuss this ahead of time?
Chris: I like this category. I hope Life of Pi gets it…… YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!! Woah dude. The hair.
I don’t know what category this is. Samuel and Robert are arguing too much. But congrats to Life of Pi! BAAAHAHAAA the Jaws wrap it up music is getting louder as he speaks. I agree Nicole Kidman… Poor thing.
2 hours and 20 mins to go. Lord help me.
Ash: I haven’t seen any of these movies. Shocker, I know.
Chris: Hellerrr Channing. Again with a category that I don’t…. OOO costume! Come onnnnn Lincoln. Oh. Okay. And now makeup.. I should get water I think I had too much wine.
What’s that Halle is on? I saw my first (and probably last) Bond movie recently (Skyfall)… all for Daniel Craig I must admit. Did Halle just say…. Pussy galore? Guess I won’t get it. Like ever. Unless I watch Bond movies? Okay…
More singing. Who is this fierceness in gold? Oh Shirley Bassey. Go girl. Now I want a gold sequin dress. Great.
Ash: Reese Witherspoon looks flawless as always, but there is a whole heap of Elnett in that hair. It’s not moving.
Quvenzhane Wallis reminds me oddly of Rihanna.
It took me a while to recognize Mark Ruffalo. He’s aged. My Mom said, “What happened to him since The Karate Kid?” I don’t think he was in Karate Kid but anyhoo…moving on…
I’m ready for them to bust out a tune or something. I will resurface for a musical number.
The music of Bond, that will do. Halle Berry’s dress is kind of Matrix-ish. But, of course she makes it work. Come on Adele….please save this for me. GOOOLD FINGA! Wait ,where is Adele? Doesnt she sing a Bond song?
Best Short Film
Chris: Kerry looks like firrrrrrrre. Go Liv! Sorry, Scandal moment. Now we’re onto short film aka more movies Chris hasn’t seen, ooo documentaries. Man, I really am behind.
I lost track of the category… oh boy.
Oh Seth. Your jokes are too raw for the Oscar crowd.
When did Ben Affleck get so cool? Facial hair and all?
Kerry Washington’s hair looks so much nicer like this than it did in the harsh bangs she has been wearing lately. Beautiful, but I don’t care much for the dress. Actually, I have yet to see one I love just yet.
Best documentary feature
Chris: Now this is a cool category. What’s next though?
Ash: I wonder what I’ll have for lunch tomorrow…
Best Foreign Language Film
Chris: I. Love. Jennifer Garner’s dress. And I also love how Canada is in the best foreign language film category. Hey guys! Look north.
Ash: Maybe soup.
Catherine Zeta Jones performance
Chris: Danny Zucco!!! I feel a performance coming on. Oh. I see where we’re going here. *sings* And all that jazz (see what I did there?). Too bad she’s lipsyncing. YAY JENNIFERRRR! But… what version is? The screamy remake? Got it. Praise the heavens she put some meat back on.
Ash: I’m confused again. Didn’t Chicago with Catherine Zeta Jones come out years ago? Ditto for Dreamgirls. Great performances but few years too late.
Les Miserables Performance
Chris: Ok Hugh. I see you. Oh. It’s all of you. Okay. Wow a lot of you. They’re all singing and stuff. Wonderful.
OMG ASH! It’s 10. an hour and a half to gooooooo.
Ash:Interesting to see all these Hollywood actors sing for the Les Mis performance. I didn’t see the movie but they sound pretty good to me.
Chris: I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. But Zoe looks as bored as I feel. Oh this is why. She’s presenting a boring award.
Thank goodness I didn’t watch Ted, and I love Mark Wahlberg. But that is pretty crappy stuff.
Ash: Oh look, it’s the obnoxious teddy bear I hate. This is getting better and better.
Could someone pass Zoe Saldana a sandwich or something. In fact, maybe she should split it with Kerry Washington. Sidebar-I really must start watching Scandal.
Chris: I don’t know what category this is. I’m having a hard time keeping up. Oh sound. Got it.
Wait…. HOLD THE PHONE…. There are ties at the Oscars? Dahell.
Ash: Are ties allowed?
Best Supporting Actress
Chris: YAY Christopher Plummer! So funny this old man. OMG I hope Sally Field wins. But of course Anne gets it. She bothers me. I guess I should watch Les Mis now. But Anne’s in it. So is Hugh… hmmm.
I don’t even know what’s… where… what time is it?
Ash:-There seems to be a lot of dresses in pale hues like Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence. How about some color! Some brights! I know pastels are really in this season but I think they make these actresses look washed out and boring.
Best Film Editing
Chris: Oh Sandra is on. Go Argo for best film editing. Aww Ben wants to cry. Moving right along…
Ash: That hair barette thing is not doing good things for Sandra Bullock’s ear.
Chris: FINALLY ADELE IS ON. Back in black and looking phenomenal and sparkly. And her make up is flawless. And her hair. Sigh. I just wanna hug her and never let go. She is so great and I adore her.
Ash: Finally Adele. Her hair looks so lovely like this. I need that lipstick and nail polish. Oh how I adore her whole look. Shonda Rhimes just tweeted, ” Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age. Take that in.” Whoa. Mind blown.
Chris: What happened to Kristin’s ankle…. And hair? And personality? Oooo production design. Yay Lincoln!
Ash: Did Liberty Ross jump K-Stew pre-show. Probably not , but that would be interesting , wouldn’t it?
Salma Hayak presents… something
Chris: Seriously what’s going on with everyone’s hair tonight?? Salma? You’re beautiful but really?
Fading….. NOOOO don’t go to commercial…. Sigh.
Ash: Salma Hayek’s dress is ok, but that hair is a problem.
Barbra Streisand Performance
Chris: Another performance… ah Barbra. I guess I can do some dishes now.
Ash: When did Barbara Streisand get Beyonce hair? To the left, to the left…
Best Original Score
Chris: Oh, So. Glad. To see Renee combed her hair for her appearance with her Chicago co-stars. Well… Come to think of it, beside the Queen and Catherine she still needs some work. No. A LOT of work.
YAY LIFE OF PI!!
Ash: Renee Zellwegger perpetually looks as though she is sucking on a lemon, no?
Norah Jones Performance
Chris: What a delight in yellow. I LOVE. The. Dress. But I’m so tired and fidgety.
Ash: I like the top half of Norah Jones dress. But, pastel again? These women look like Cadbury mini eggs.
Chris: Hmmmm. Adele won with Skyfall. Is anyone.. like… Surprised? Why do they go through the hassle of nominating her? Just mail the awards to her residence. But I must say she gives the best speeches lol.
This is never going to end. Ever.
Ash: I’m thinking I may tap out soon. This year is slow-moving to say the least.
Best Adapted Screenplay
Chris: Oh Charlize you gorgeous lady. Hahah Dustin is boob height. Argo wins again.
Ash: Can we just have a moment for how stunning Charlize Theron is. She takes an ok, simple dress, natural makeup and pixie short hair and makes it look like glamorous perfection.
Best Original Screenplay
Chris: What is this Amour about? Must watch. Woot Django won. Tarantino looking dishevelled as always lol.
Ash: Salad. I think I’ll take salad tomorrow.
Chris: Jane looks breath-taking. This is a tough one, who will win?? YAY ANG LEE LIFE OF PI!!! But he is thanking e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. Did he just thank his lawyer?? oh he’s done.
Ash: Are we there yet?
Chris: FINALLY. Omg. Congrats Jennifer Lawrence. DARN I missed her fall. But it’s really about Naomi Watts’ dress HELLERRRRR hawt. And how cute is Quvenzhané Wallis all nominated at 9 and stuff… go ‘head girl. I guess I should watch that movie.
Ash: Oh no! Jennifer Lawrence fell. She won an Oscar so whats a little trip. Also, it woke me up…so thanks for that J-Law! She looks nice in her dress, but again I would much prefer it with some color.
Chris: Come onnnnn Daniel for Lincoln. Oooo that Flight looks good….. YAAAAAY Daniel wonnnnn!
Chris: I love Jack Nicholson in his infinite quirkiness. WOW Michelle Obama too?! Looking divine as usual. I didn’t see Argo so I can’t get too excited, but it did get good reviews. SO congrats to Ben and the rest of them.
Ok. Way. Past. Bedtime.
Ash: Michelle Obama looks great. Which reminds me …Have you seen this?
Best picture to Argo. YAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!! Not because Argo won, because it’s over. I’m sure Argo is an excellent movie, but why did that feel like the longest, slowest awards show ever. Its past my bedtime.
Usually I’m happy with a bit of pre-show and the next week’s Us magazine to see the dresses. But, I made it through the whole show this year. My wrap up synopsis of my reaction to host and dresses is a resounding, ” meh.”