Well, this is embarrassing.
Remember when our invitations to the Grammy Awards and the Oscars got lost in the mail? I know this is hard to believe, but it happened again. Ridiculous, right? It’s THE NEON LEOPARD, Hollywood (maybe they’re misspelling it?).
Anyhoo…due to the oversight, we were forced to watch on the small screen. As we love to do, we noted some of our thoughts as we took in the show. Enjoy, and don’t forget to leave your two cents in the comments if you tuned in!
(As always, we do not take credit for any pictures accompanying this post. Please note, if these awards shows would just get it together and invite us…we could take our own pictures)
Ash: Oh no. Oh no no no. Please tell me that Tracy Morgan is not the host of this show. I can NOT stand this man. Yep, he is the host. Fantastic. He is already irritating me with his Taylor Swift Joke. Her is also apparently irritating Taylor Swift.
When Nicki Minaj doesn’t dress all nutso, she is very pretty. Her makeup is fantastic. I’d love to see her with darker hair though.
Chris: Bruno mars. I love this little guy. He’s so chock full of talent and how cute is his little band? Woah not so little. Were there always this many of them? They just did the Macarena I swear. Oh. My gawd. Bruno you are my treasure. Well discuss the Afro later.
Um. Tracy? Your blazer though. Tswizzle is such a…… *Hums kumbaya* did u see the face she made? AUGH this little girl has no manners. Anyway. Tracy isn’t all that funny but it’s still early.
Top Rap Artist:
Ash: Ohhh Shania Twain. Yay Canada! Odd choice for this category though, no?
I find it highly amusing that Drake, Nicki and Flo Rida are up against Psy.
Why isn’t Jordin Sparks with her boyfriend? Sing it with me k, Jason Deruloooooo♫. One time I heard an interview on the radio where his people actually forbid the djs from singing that. If you don’t want people to sing it then stop putting it on every track, Jason!
Ooh this is in Vegas, not L.A. I LOVE Vegas.
Chris: Shania presents. Top rap artist. Naturally. Her bod is banging but her hair? Meh! Is Psy really in this category? Phew Nicki got it. And she looks fab tonight. She can be touch and go with the fashion and anything really….. But! She is working the heck outta that red dress
Selena Gomez performance:
Ash: I love, love, LOVE her bronze makeup and golden tan! This is the best I have ever seen her look. This song is also catchy as heck. Never mind that I thought it was a Miley Cyrus song until very recently…
Chris: Selena Gomez performs aaaaand there’s toilet paper everywhere. Ummmmmm. This is very Bollywood and not in a good way. The dancing? #facepalm this is……. Maybe I’m getting old. I like her gold number though. But it ends there. Oh thank goodness it’s done.
The Band Perry Performance:
Ash: Who now?
Chris: Jennifer something presents the band Parry? Perry? Who is this? Must Google. Because I definitely don’t know them. Is this…. Country? Pop? What’s happening on my television? This drum bit is cool though. Ok I Googled. The Band Perry. *crickets*
Icona Pop performance:
Ash: At some point it became socially acceptable to perform without pants. I blame Mya, Ke$ha and Christina Aguilera for this.
Tracy Morgan should be embarrassed by this Psy dance off.
Chris: Carly Rae Jepson presents Icona pop. . I love them! *Sings*I don’t carrrrrrre! I love it! They’re so cute nod European and shtuff. That was fun as always.
Chris Brown performance:
Ash: To be honest, I don’t even want to give this man space on our blog by talking about him. I will say this though, he is incredibly talented and it is a shame that his arrogance, immaturity and temper overshadow that.
Chris: Of course Psy presents…. Oh um….. I knew he wouldn’t talk for long… Oh Tracy….. That was kinda funnyish. Maybe not maybe. And then Chris Brown comes on. I like to watch him dance. But ummmm. He’s off tonight. Or is it just me? Nope. He’s off. This is horrid. Thank goodness his mic lights up because we need a distraction. Too bad nothing is distracting enough. That’s it Chris. Dance some more. More dancey less Singy. But. The best part? The guitar solo. Oh dear.
Tracy is back in his aluminum foil blazer I see.
Ash: You know that “What were they thinking?” section of Us magazine. Methinks we will be seeing Alyssa Milano there next week. When Avril Lavigne looks more polished and chic than you on an awards show stage, something is very wrong.
I saw Hayden Panetierre at a club in Toronto once. All by herself. Tres bizarre.
This show is making me miss Vegas.
Chris: Alyssa Milano and April Lavigne present top digital song but What’s up with their hair???? I do enjoy Alyssa’s earrings though. But why is bedhead an acceptable look for public?
Hooray for Carly Rae Jepsen! I’m not surprised her song was downloaded the most. Damn was it catchy.
Macklemore and Ryan Lewis performance:
Ash: Macklemore’s haircut is …different. Will this song ever get old? It’s so infectious. This is, this is awesome.
Chris: Hayden Panetierre presents the thrift shop people. I like this song. This is awesome. (See what I did there). I kinda wish I was there. They’re really hype!
Oh wow. Tracy’s blazer got flashier to honour MJ? Hmmmmm. Still not digging him.
Top Rap Song:
Ash: I think it’s a pretty safe bet that it ain’t coffee in Kid Rock’s mug.
Hmmm, I wasn’t aware that they had Value Village in the States.
Chris: Yay Kid Rock! Awwww he’s not performing. Booooo. Gee I wonder what’s in his cup???. He’s presenting top rap song. How fitting. Oh okay! Let’s throw things! Yay thrift shop won!
Taylor Swift performance:
Ash: Speaking of lip synching…
They are really going to have to re-brand Taylor Swift for her next album. She can only do this cutesy wide eyed thing for so long. Oh, b-boys in masks dancing around you. How edgy of you, Swifty.
Chris: Oh. Look. It’s Selena Gomez and she’s presenting tswizzle. A double joy. Did I mention she bothers me? I like her dancers but I wish they weren’t behind her but more in front. Oh. My. Goh. Why is she dancing? This is awkward to watch. Like she’s batting away flies. Thankfully the hip hop power rangers blocked her for a bit. I won’t lie -I’m digging her lipstick. But that’s it.
Yah. Tracy isn’t doing it for me. And this Beyoncé commercial? Geeeeezzzzzz enough.
Casey Muskgrave performance:
Ash: Well this song is a bit of a downer. Fractured fairy tales at their best. Jack fell down and broke his crown and now he’s hooked on booze and pills. They certainly left that part out in kindergarten.
Chris: …… Okay. Confesh. I totally Googled her name just now, I don’t know who this is. But I do enjoy her song. Oh noooo jack burned out on booze and pills. Sad.
Ash: Madonna needs to give it up. I have never been a fan. The sunglasses at night and this garter getup she has on just looks rather desperado to me. How about aging gracefully and with some class? Well, at least she knows how pretentious the glasses look. Oh look, fresh facelift.
Chris: Oh. Will.I.Am. I’m digging this blazer maybe Tracy can borrow it. Ooooo Madonna tribute. I know many don’t like her, but I do. Because really…. She’s an icon. And even at 54 she walked on stage with no clothes on. She is shaking like a leaf though awwww.
Justin Bieber performance:
Ash: Oh, the Beebs is here. But wait, isn’t his monkey in Germany? Now boarding Bieber flight 777? Isn’t that Rihanna’s schtick?
Chris: And now who’s this presenting the biebs? Ariana something. I give up I’m not even Googling. He’s so cute in his infinite babyfacedness. I wonder if he knows he’s missing a sleeve? Hey ash what’s Tia tequila’s ex-girlfriend’s name again? Yeah his butch twin. (Note from Ash…Dani. Google it, TNLers.)
And just like that, his performance was better that Chris Brown’s.
Top Billboard 200 Album:
Ash: Is Ron Weasley sitting with Selena Gomez?
Chris: Jason Derulo and Amy something present top billboard 200 album. I hope it’s not tswizzle. Hahahaha Adele is nominated too! Woo!
Tswizzle beat her?!!!!! The BBMA is not focused on life. At. All.
Pit-bull and Christina Aguilera performance:
Ash: I love this song! Mostly because I love this song! Christina looks great. I love her makeup toned down and none of those coloured clip ins. So much better!
OMGOMGOMGOMG A-Ha!!!! I totally linked that video without knowing he was here. How cool!
Chris: Yay Tracy is wearing a somewhat normal blazer. But did he say Kesha? Sorry. I meant Ke$ha my bad. Oh thank goodness she’s not singing. I need to recover from tswizzle beating Adele. Oh Pitbull and xtina la chica loca.
Why are his pants SO high? And is he trying to pop dat booty? I can’t handle this. Yayyyyyyyyyyyy throwback! *sings* taaaaake ooooonnn. Meeeeeeeeeee. This is so awesome!
I bet you Beyoncé is getting like 5katrillion dollars every time this commercial comes on.
Top Male Artist:
Ash: Miley’s makeup is on point. Is it just me, or did she not look thrilled to have to present the award to Justin Bieber.
Selena has a poker face.
Oopsie, this Jennifer Morrison person forgot to put on her dress.
Chris: Miley Cyrus presents top male artist in quite the outfit I must add. Awwwww babyface biebs won. See! Tswizzle made a face again! That little girl…….
Ash: I still love this song just as much as the first time I ever heard it. Ummm, did he just dropkick a girl in the face? Yes? Ok, just checking.
Chris: Who’s this in a nightgown presenting Miguel? Another talented cat. In tight pants. I like that he changed the arrangement of the music for this performance. Omg don’t do splits your pants will split! *covers eyes* OMG what is he doing?!! No!!! He almost broke that girl’s neck!!!! And his butt! Never. Do that again Miguel.
I’m too old for these theatrics.
Ed Sheeran performance:
Ash: Oh, so it seems it wasn’t Ron Weasley sitting with Taylor and Serena.
Chris:Chloe something presents Ed Sheeran. I like him. A nice simple setting because it’s about the music. His hair on the other hand…… Still better than Avril and Alyssa’s lol. He could have dressed up a bit but I guess it’s all about the hair. Music. I mean the music.
Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull performance:
Ash: Pitbull has performed twice tonight. Double paycheque = muy caliente. In keeping with tonight’s no pants trend here’s Jenny from the Block. But, why do all of her backup dancers look like Psy?
Remember when this was like the star butt? Then Kim K came on the scene and J-Lo’s booty got bumped.
Chris: Gabriel and the lady from castle present…. Ah Pitbill again with J-Lo. Do people still call her that? This man and his high pants. He’s hype though. I like this song. *waits to sing along with J-Lo* WOW can we discuss the red number with bird wings?
She’s living it up alright. *Sings* We can do anything we want. Live it uuupppp. Oh….my…. I wanna get up and dance…. aaaaaand then the camera goes on my fave tswizzle. Ugh.
Really. Tracy. No. And what is the point of this LMFAO skit where I don’t need to hear more of Tracy’s voice?
Ash: The categories on this show are odd. It’s like they based them solely on who was willing to show up tonight. “Oh, Madonna wants to come?Hmmm…we can’t give her best artist, or top selling artist….I know! Let`s make a the touring artist award. David Guetta? Hmmm…how about electronic dance music. But, let’s call it EDM, its edgier.“
I am not a big fan of the dress that not-Beyoncé (Kelly Rowland) is wearing but her makeup looks great.
Yay, David Guetta! Love. Him. Wish he washed his hair for the occasion, but love him nonetheless.
Chris: Kelly Rowland and Austin Mahone present top EDM artist. I like that Skrillex song. Ah but of course David Guetta gets it! He better hurry; Will.I.Am and the biebs are on in1minute.
Will I Am and Justin Bieber performance:
Ash: How convenient that there was a 2 for 1 sale on pleather drop crotch pirate pants just in time for the Billboard awards.
Chris: Whiz Khalifa and the LMFAO guy present the biebs and will.i.am. These pants are killing me. I can’t anymore. But I heart this kid but the performance is a smidge boring.
David Guetta, Ne-Yo and Akon performance:
Ash: Oooh Jennifer Lopez Waiting for Tonight lasers. That is forever what these green lasers will be called to me. Excuse me while I have a dance party, please.
David Guetta always looks like he is having the best time ever!
Chris: Jenny McCarthy present David Guetta, Ne-Yo and Akon. Hello sexy fit Jenny! That’s right. Work hard play hard. But Ne-Yo’s outfit though?!?! Hahaha I’m thoroughly enjoying watching David Guetta get all into it.
Ash: Please take off your sunglasses, Beebs. You’re indoors…and it’s night time.
Chris: eeeek Ceelo!! I lovvvvvvvvve hiimmmm. He’s presenting some new milestone award along with some fan. I like her outfit. She I cheesing harrrrd awwww she’s so excited. Yay the biebs won! Hahaha babyface biebs is too much. So cocky it’s cute. Are they booing him? But really; I wish Ceelo was performing.
Artist of the Year:
Ash: Celine, Shania, Avril…this show is full of Canadivas. See what I did there?
Taylor Swift wins artist of the year. Meh.
Chris: Celine Dion presents artist of the year. I swear she’s always wearing gold. Non? One direction can’t seriously win this, can they? WHAT “she”won?! I stayed up FOR THIS?! And what is WITH this dress? I’m so annoyed.
Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne performance:
Ash: This performance reminds me of something I saw on the net the other day…
Chris: Okay. Here we go. These 2. So far so normal but Weezy isn’t on as yet. Is she still saying she didn’t get butt implants? Cuz really….. Ooohhhhh dearrrrrr hide yo kids she’s giving a lap dance. OMG what… Is…*covers eyes*
Ash: Erykah Badu and Janelle Monae both have gorgeous glowing skin. I love the makeup tonight.
Cue Chris` freak-out, it looks like Prince is going to perform. Aww he has a lil`afro and Harry Potter sunnies. Hey, his makeup is on point , too!
Well… that was fun-ish.
Chris: Erykah Badu and Janelle Monae present Prince. What is Erykah wearing? Oh never mind. I can’t concentrate. Who the hell cares when Prince is coming on? Why are they stillllll talking??? Okay here we go…….
If you know me, you know this one fact: I. Love. Prince. Like obsessed. So make the “o” a heart. I. L-heart-v-e him. He can do no wrong in my eyes. None. I think I might cry. *cranks tv*. This tribute is great but he better perform. AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I’M GONNA DIE!!! And an Afro?? Why. Is. He. So. Awesome. And his makeup is on point lol. I did as he said and went crazy. He’s so talented. I’m rambling now. I forgot all my tswizzle woes that’s for sure.
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you end a boring show. I’m off to calm down. Then put some Prince on.